hey there! i'm dex, but most people know me as ren! i also go by cal. and rex. ren rex cal dex i have lots of names up my sleeve. i'm a ftm horse from washington state, my hobbies are music, drawing, and computers! i absolutely love optical media (DVDs, CDs) and other forms of data storage. most people know me online for my lapfox antics (renard v queefston and other things...) but i also love interacting with the small fandom for the offspring, and i'm THE self proclaimed dexter holland fanartist on tumblr.

i've been online for five years at this point (this bio was written on 5/26/2024) only getting access to the internet when i moved with my dad (i was quite sheltered at my mom's house...) first i had a kindle fire hd 8 from 2017 that i'd gotten for christmas (had amazon freetime set up by my mom and step dad, reset everything when i moved with my dad and made it so that i had full control over it,) and when that broke halfway through 2019, i got an lg tribute royal for christmas. while i think that complete unmoderated access to the internet below 13 (i was 10) is bad, i'm grateful for the experiences i've had.

over those past five years, my identity has changed a lot. before i moved, i tried acting like a "girly girl" while also being the most tomboyish motherfucker out there. i was the weird kid, and didn't get why i only had small friend groups with weird kids in them (spoiler alert, they were always autistic kids...) and the new found freedom i acquired from moving was refreshing. i felt less pressured to conform to feel like i belong, and discovered communities for the things i enjoyed where i was free to be weird without judgement from my peers. i also discovered amino from my older brother after he told me what it was like 3 days after moving... fuck you noah.

for my first years online, i never really had an online friend group. this was due to me still healing from 10 years of mistreatment, i had been diagnosed with ODD at ~7 and i really feel like that made things worse. i was a pretty mean asshole to a lot of people, or generally just sucked. but i've gotten pretty good at being less of a dick (people like me now... crazy.) a month after turning 11, i got into a situation that had me being targeted by a group of trolls for the first half of 2020. honestly i brought that upon myself, i watched a lot of rant and commentary youtube and wanted to be just like the people i watched who got into drama. i was 11, much damage done to my brain.

now when i was 12, i made a horrible mistake that fucked me over for a while: being in the FNF fandom. i was "denial fixated" (weird thing i do sometimes where i go into denial of being hyperfixated on something before accepting it) on it for a good few months before fully embracing it and watching FNF content on newgrounds via proxy sites to bypass the school's filter. i had been grounded from my devices for a bit (which is something that hasn't happened to me since mid 2022 because i'd finally shed my old shitass self) and got my phone back. i began to reek havoc on twitter (which i have been using since the age of 11. also very bad) which is where minors posting suggestive art publicly was normalized to me! how fun

(at least it got de-normalized to me during mid/late 2022...)

during late 2021 i got my current laptop. my mom originally bought it for homeschooling in 2019 since were planning to travel but i moved with my dad so i fucked that plan right over, as i tend to do. it's a shitty asus vivobook flip 14 but it'll do for now... but at least i can finally use openmpt!!!! obviously my interest in lapfox had utterly peaked in 2021 (i was normal about it in 2020... an average fan) and i discovered a lot about em and their work, which included their website. on there it said that they used openmpt on the old FAQ page, and i swiftly googled it. i tried installing it but i couldn't due to the whole needing admin perms to install something on the school computer (by this time i had changed schools, and the new school used windows laptops which made it insanely easy to bypass the filter and install/run shit. not everything that required installation needed admin perms for some reason but most things did. 12 year old me also didn't know what "portable" meant in terms of computer programs?? which is funny because i use a portable version of openmpt all the time now, and whenever a program has a portable version available i always choose it because i'm way too lazy to install shit most of the time.) anyways i've been using trackers for 3 years now hip hip HOORAY fuck daws i prefer trackers since they match how music works to me and daws are fucking weird to me

13 is when some crazy shit began to happen: i began to listen to kitcaliber. (did i forget to mention my lapfox timeline? i'll go through it later because the role in my life that em's work has played is very instrumental to the formation of my identity. but at this point i'd have been a fan for 2 years) it came right after a small bandetto fixation, and the first normal half lasted for a month. i was first denial fixated on kit (this time, i was substituting a character for another!) because i identified as an agender lesbian and refused any involvement with men because of my trauma and how demonized masculinity is in the queer community (i am absolutely not saying that this is the case for every lesbian; i just became so detached and didn't want anything to do with men, and straight up wasn't in the mood for being attracted to dudes for a long time which led me to identifying that way. the agender thing was the final stepping stone for me to being a trans boy...) i absolutely refused to even look at caliber because i "didn't care about him" and was "only interested in the girl". i also suspected having a crush on her but that's just straight up denial infused copium at this point. i got oculus privileges back for a good month or two (yes i had been grounded for a month atp) and began playing vrchat and gorilla tag a lot. since it also had a browser, i had been logging into discord and twitter, using the internet as normal. i could also download files! i haven't deleted shit off of my headset, so if i go on the file explorer it would be an absolute time capsule. and then... one night while i had been watching the halcyondaze album stream, tragedy struck.

may 8th, 2022: i finally accepted that i was soooooooooooooooooooo into caliber. i don't believe in love at first site as a demiaroace person but i think i know what allo people mean when they say that, because when i first saw him i simply couldn't handle it... so i was a kit fanboy instead (would it be fanthing? i was agender at the time...)

about a few weeks after that, i redesigned my sona to be a dude and accepted being a guy while swinging both ways.

i am a cooler guy now... and have been the same in a good way since early 2023. late 2022 i got into the offspring due to my childhood nostalgia, and while writing i started off listening to smash and switched over to conspiracy of one when that finished. mid 2022 i was designing stuff with my mom (i visit her every other summer) and she wanted to turn on some punk music since it had relation to what we were working on. a few offspring songs were in the playlist and i explicitly remember the kids aren't alright coming on. fortunately the "dexter holland is so HOT" gears did not start turning until sometime later in 2023 where i would occasionally have the thought "maybe i have a crush on this guy" pop into my head and vehemently deny being interested in him every time. unfortunately on feb 2nd 2024 i was listening to change the world from ixnay on the hombre and was not able to fight off the demons that were telling me i was into the lead singer of the offspring; they overpowered me, and may we mourn this fallen soldier. also i accepted the whole caliber thing during noise gate

anyways uh................. yea

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the lapfox timeline:

before i moved i only got unrestricted access to the internet via my grandparent's ipads, and would watch vines as well as content related related to whatever i was fixated on at the moment. one of the vines, the birds running from a wave one, caught my interest because i liked the song that played. right after i got my first personal phone in 2019, i searched something along the lines of "birds run from wave vine song" and it popped up??? you got cuves she got curves by renard???? in early 2020 shortly after the quarantine started i started listening to more lapfox stuff on youtube. and you wanna know the funny part??? i didn't even find out that "penis music" was rubber band by jackal queenston until a few months later. i actually fucking remember listening to a 10 hour loop and being blissfully unaware that that too was something by em essex. anyways i was a pretty normal fan until 2021, i forgot about lapfox for a month in the beginning of 2021 until the "renard" animation meme (i barely watched animation memes by then, but that one popped up. it was the original foxi boxi one too) popped up in my recommended. i clicked on the original song link due to somewhat recognizing it (i knew it was a renard song) and voila... foxi boxi isn't allowed to take credit for my interest in lapfox btw

my interest in lapfox was reincarnated and it got progressively worse over the year. it's been my main thing for the past 4 years and that pretty crazy for me to think about... the last time i had a spinterest was mlp when i was really little, but i was shamed out of it by my parents since they kept shit talking it and my step dad would say weird shit about the bronies. i promise you, when your child is sheltered they are NOT going to be aware of the weird shit bronies got up to. actually i kind of was because before my step dad was added to the equation, my parents let me roam free on youtube and things such as smile hd scarred me. my dad was also a chronic internet user at the time (he still is actually. you'd be hard pressed not to find him scrolling telegram today)

i think i mentioned everything else in this long ass bullshit bio that barely anyone who comes on here is gonna read put the pieces together in your head

i didn't mention that i've been playing robot unicorn attack on and off since 2014, i saw my little brother playing it on my moms phone and from there hell broke loose

i also reeeaallly like horses

plurr ♡♡

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(i think this old bio is still pretty useful, i need to figure out how to integrate it into the main body of text though)

my name is dex (he/it), though most people know me + call me by ren! i'm also known as cal. i'm a horse from the PNW who really has a passion for music and computers.

i really like CDs and other forms of optical media! (and when i was younger i loved playing with my dvds like dolls, which resulted in a CD being broken in a weird way...) they're one of my special interests and i love collecting optical media :3. i've been online since 2019!

vintage tech is cool to me too, and i have a handful of old tech laying around in my room... from two VCRs to an old XP desktop. i have a bunch of wild west video casettes that i got from my auntie, and my favorite one to watch is the good, the bad, and the ugly :33

my special interests are lapfox/halley labs and the offspring! i also like tally hall and 31 minutos but i don't participate in the tally hall fandom anymore. my reason is that i was active from august to september 2023, and if you were on tallytwt during that time you'd know how much of a dumpsterfire it was. the fandom just sucks now lol

i make my own music, albiet a little differently than the standard... i use openmpt for production and do post in audacity (dw i'm a pro at it... been using it for a few years)

i'm heavy into both modern and classic gabber and happy hardcore! i generally just have a big library of a bunch of stuff but my favorites are paul elstak and scott brown. i have 9gb aka every cd of thunderdome comps (1001 tracks, only 9gb because it's in mp3) and a bunch of bzrk stuff! i like nasenbluten too... speedcore is pretty good but i am picky and only listen to m1dy and kobaryo 💔 so i don't consider myself to be a fan of the genre. not sure what cardopusher genre is, but i love cardopusher too! and then a bunch of random edm songs

generally the kind of rock i listen to is bands i grew up hearing songs from. my parents having the rock station on all the time has lead me to being a mega fan of the offspring at an archivist level... i also have a bunch of albums from other bands too but don't consider myself to be a fan of them. foo fighters is pretty yummy though....

my favorite visual medias are pswg, mlaatr, spirit [2002], interstella 5555, and the good the bad and the ugly

i either spend my time in my room doing nerd shit or something outside... usually when i go outside i sit in the grass or i ride my bike. i don't like riding my bike without my speaker though, don't like having it loud either because that's douchebag activity. so that's why i may be late to respond to things lol

i'm sleep deprived a lot due to my need to stay awake and reclaim my time from school (trying to get as much personal stuff done) so some things might look funny or weird or unfinished or gramatically incorrect or have the wrong puncuation becuase my brain has no energy to do shit

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wanna get in touch? stylrtechnologies@gmail.com.

if you are here from twitter, please note that i'm only comfortable with people 15+ following me on there!! all ages can interact though